Spring Cleaning: Letting go

This is probably an extension of the previous post. Borders on the same subject.

In the quest for self definition, everything you think about, say, feel and want suddenly becomes super important. And you also learn that everything you're feeling is for a reason, and those reasons must be understood and not just shoved into the 'wrong' box.

This post is about letting go. Which is something I have great difficulty doing. I'm a hoarder and a clinger. I have the toughest time letting go of places, people and things. I have closets and drawers filled with things that I never use or even see for months but invariably have some inane emotional story that grants me the right to keep them. My Dad always makes fun of my 'emotional attachment' to things, inanimate as they may be. Our VCR, for example, which was the source of all the Disney magic that filled my childhood, is still given the respect of being kept right under the TV in the TV cabinet. As are all of our VHS tapes.

Coming to the reason I'm writing today. Letting go is sometimes equated with 'giving up' or not trying hard enough or just not caring enough. And these equations have led me to believe that letting go isn't something good friends, good owners, good sons and daughters do. I have no idea how and when these notions were planted in my head and, hence, have no reason to continue believing them today. 

Ergo, I call for once-in-a-lifetime summer life cleaning. Starting now, I shall attempt to throw out all of the:
unsubstantiated reasoning, unnecessary emotional attachments, impractical theories and, last but in no way the least, drawer crap.

To letting go. Salute! (Cheers!)

Loyalty

I've always been a fiercely loyal person. Like annoyingly stuck, almost. To relationships, brands, stores, people (i.e. those who may not have any relationship with me whatsoever), my country, offices I've worked in and basically anything that I can call my own. That's where it comes from too, I think. When you're an only child, claiming things and calling them you're own becomes a sort of a habit. Like hoarding  And then everything else just comes in the packaged deal. Being over-possessive about friends, having ugly debates about your country and how awesome it is despite everything, defending your favourite brand even though you know that there is better stuff in the world.

Coming back to the point. This insane need to be loyal, I've realised, has caused me lots of unhappiness (not to mention the embarrassment it's caused those around me). I almost cried when I had to give up the object of my affection and the great source of pride that was my last Nokia. For the uninitiated (I love saying that like everything I feel is supposed to be some known Wiki concept!) I've been a Nokia fan and loyalist for as long as I can remember and there came a time when their phones just became irrelevant. (I may have moved on to an Android but a Nokia fan, I shall remain for ever.) Anyway, now that I'm almost 24 (oh dear God!), I think it's time to shake things up.

I consider loyalty to be an essential virtue. It shows character, strength to commit and dependability. But I've also come to realise that if it holds you back from being happy, it isn't loyalty. It's just you being stubborn and clingy, really. And hence, it is time. Time to change, to put logic before antiquated sentiment and let faith and the hope for happiness conquer the fear of loss.

.....Just keep swimming (With a little help from my friends!)

I like to call myself an optimist. And mostly succeed in justifying the title. 'Glass half full, better luck next time, everything happens for a reason, just listen to a great song, but it smells great!' and many, many more are phrases you'll hear coming from me very often. And I do, really, truly believe in all of it! People who know me not so closely will always know me as 'that girl who's always smiling' but the ones closer are those who've seen the dark side. It does exist, yes. 


I've recently discovered, in the past year or so, that with optimism comes a certain sense of impracticality and recklessness which I'd learnt to accept about myself over the years. I mean who can be a realist and love the rains? Especially if you live in Delhi, there's more to hate about the season than there is to love. Coming back to the point, (*goes back up the paragraph to remind forgetful self*) I've always been slightly impractical and stuck to the belief that there is something good hidden in everything that happens to you. But this past year has brought days and even weeks of me finding it tough to stick to my guns. Like I said, only the poor, really close friends and family get to experience the ugliness of the dark side and are bombarded with depressing e-mails and texts, are subjected to phones not being answered and mostly are forced to spend time with (if they wish to) a terribly mopey, glum person. And nothing anyone says could get me out of those days, obviously, cos I'm usually the person saying those very things. I'm a really fun person when I'm happy. I bake, bring good music and awesome technology to people's lives and am just, in general, chirpy. (humility is obviously not one of my best virtues) Which is why most people around me are in a total mud-puddle when I'm bummed.


The reason I'm writing all of this random gyaan about myself, is because I'm a) trying to cheer myself up b) attempting to rekindle my love for blogging c) just need to vent to nobody and d) THERE IS AN UPSIDE! So, what I realized, 5 minutes ago, is that within this entire process I've also been able to sift my awesome, super-close, must-hold-on-to-till-life-ends friends from the friends-till-I'm-chirpy category. And that is a major upside for a person whose everyday happiness depends mostly on the people around her. 


And so, this is a shout-out (I don't usually like saying that but it is what it is) to my friends who called frantically, bombarded me with weirdo smileys, created pep-talks that would get through my thick head, were the calming voice on the phone, asked me to listen to 'raindrops keep falling on my head', sent me inspiring links, humored my randomness and just plain stuck around. I promise to send each one of you awesome cupcakes as soon as things get better, which I'm sure they will. (If you received a link to this blog in any form, congratulations! You will be invited to my wedding and be part of all of the good lists in my life.)


As for the rest, I have lists. And I keep grudges. Just you wait :P